NURSERY RYHMES

I remember a good while back when stupid bitch parents complained about the tellytubbies not making any sense and how it affected the child’s learning... Total bullshit by the way, because I bet those same parents sung this fucked up shit to their babies:

Hey diddle diddle,

The cat and the fiddle,

The cow jumped over the moon,

The little dog laughed to see such sport,

And the dish ran away with the spoon

Does that dog type silhouette thing have 5 feet!?

Seriously – what the fuck!? I’ve been thinking about the imaginatively titled “Hey Diddle Diddle” for a solid 20 minutes now, and the only thing I’m certain of about it, is that with words as fucked up as them – you don’t need an imaginative title! Also related to the above picture - which direction is the dish running - and how do you know he doesn't have a face on both sides?

In this version the cow doesn't get all the way over

But it’s not just the crazy ramblings you might hear coming from a crazy rambler – what about the nursery rhymes that have a sinister meaning – at this point, I’d like to mention that I’m sure 90% of the 2 people read who read my blog will be rolling their eyes right now because they think I’m going to talk about ring a ring a rosies and how it’s about the black plague.

Guess which kid is going to end up in a horror movie?

I’m not talking about that – I’m talking about the ones that are way less subtle – let’s face it, no kid would ever cop on that “ring a ring a rosies” was about the plague – not until they're Stephen hawking or old enough to look it up on Wikipedia. I’m talking about rhymes like this:

Jack and Jill went up the hill

to fetch a pail of water

Jack fell down and broke his crown

And Jill came tumbling after.

As seen on Failblog

Let’s spend 3 seconds looking into this, the first 2 lines, fairly straight-forward, suddenly it all goes crazy as Jack falls randomly, then literally broke his head, followed by Jill presumably trying to kill herself in the exact same way. Shocking.

Hawking tries to emulate the Cow from Hey Diddle Diddle

Finally here’s another one:

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

All the kings horses and all the kings men

Couldn’t put Humpty together again.

The dude falls and shatters everything so bad that nobody can set him straight again – not even the King’s horses, who were well known to of loved art attack growing up

Shut up and hand me the PVA glue.

And to finish off – Question of the Day

Where the fuck does it say anywhere, at all – that Humpty Dumpty was an egg!?

Dude!? what the fuck!?