HOW TO START YOUR OWN MAFIA

Let’s face it, at some point in your life, most likely just now, you’ve seriously considered about being “The Don”, “The Capo Di Tutti Capi”, or just talk like some prick with an Italian accent.

Some prick with an Italian accent

Unfortunately, The only “family” I have are my parents – and they're divorced. There’s no way I’m asking my mom to join my mafia – she’ll probably think I’m gay... again. If I really wanted to start my own crime syndicate, I’d have to find the real deal. I took the most logical step and headed straight to the Italian Quarter near Jervis Street.

A haven for organized crime and expensive pasta

I spent about 20 minutes hanging around, suspiciously eying up anyone who looks remotely foreign, there’s quite a few of them, but one guy in particular caught my eye (It’s sentences like that that make my mom think I’m gay)

My Mom

 

I approached him, and it turned out that his name is Andrei and he’s Brazilian – close enough! I asked him if he had any ideas, He didn’t speak much English... But here’s what he came up with...

1. Get big strong friends to be your soldiers and under bosses, preferably with names like Vito, Luca or Guiseppe. You need about 5, minimum.
2. Make them take the “omerta” which basically means they won’t rat on you to the cops...or your mom. 
3. Set up protection rackets - which means go into a shop and make them pay you every so often to protect the premises – from you. 
4. Prostitution...  

You work for me now, capiche?

  

 

Andrei went into great detail about how to kidnap girls and get them on drugs to keep them in control, I must point out, it was at this moment I began to worry for my safety. And I’m not even a prostitute...or a girl!

5. "And of course, you’ll want to get into Drugs, gambling and murder.” 

Number 5 is literally a quote. And there was no joking about it! he said it calmly, then stared at me blankly for a while. I nodded, thanked him and nearly wet my pants. All I wanted to do was wear a cool hat.

Me